I think the best way to get around obsessively worrying about something is to completely ignore yourself. That’s what I’m trying to do in general at the moment. I sort of had a realization that if you don’t worry about something, even if it’s worth worrying about, then in the worst case scenario you’ll be able to deal with things a million times better because you’re coping mechanisms aren’t shrouded in all the the insane things that anxiety makes you think, feel and do. If I was worried someone had shot my dog, worrying wouldn’t make her any more or less likely to be dead or me any more or less sad when she had been. Obviously to some extent worry is out of your control but where possible, if you can learn not to indulge, then you escape the debilitation that worry brings with it. And look like a laid back cool motherfucker.
Anyway, this writers block bullshit is something like that. So I am trying a new thing where I force myself to write lyrics when my weird clogged up brain is telling me I don’t want to and trying my hardest to find the things in my life that I feel like I have something to say about. That’s probably a large part of it to be honest; there probably isn’t a lot going on or there isn’t a lot going on that’s pissing me off (I’m not so good at happy songs. Bitter songs in major keys seem to be my forte..)
Anyway, I think things are slowly shifting, I feel like I’m trying to get a herd moving or something. Being unafraid to write utter shit helps too, you know how they say you need shit to fertilize the soil and let the flowers grow?
Here’s some cheeky little lyrics I’ve been scrawling down this morning anyway. Maybe this week i’ll finally squeeze a song out. It’ll most likely be shit, but it’s a start :) It’s going to be about trying not to let old fears or past situations determine your future.
A couple of months spent collecting bones,
I’m soft clay but I wish I was made of stone,
I’m on the road again running away,
From the fear that I’ve nothing good left to say,
If you open the drawer and remove the same tools,
You start wearing me down again and breaking the rules,
Maybe I’ll be stronger or more defined
Or so worn down there’s nothing left behind.
I fell asleep tonight beneath different hands,
Rogue waves carving shards of land,
I threw a pebble to a big dark lake
And the pretty little ripples made the whole world shake,
I’m a canvas. I’m a book of words,
Lay down before you, a painting, a verse,
Pretend for tonight that I’m freshly laid snow
I’d rather risk it than never know.
day 2. here’s a song I love : Settle Down - No Doubt x